Grief is something almost everyone will experience at some point their lives, yet many people feel
unprepared for what the stages of grief can actually look like. Commonly seen in media portrayals, you
might expect grief to follow a predictable path where emotions gradually soften and life slowly returns to
normal (Avis et al., 2021). Contrary to these stereotypes, the stages of grief often appear in waves.
Some days may feel more manageable, while others bring unexpected sadness, anger, or longing. This
unpredictability can lead many people to question whether they are grieving “the right way”.
In this blog, we will explore the potential stages of grief and how they can help us better understand the
emotional journey it is to experience loss. While grief rarely unfolds in a perfect sequence, the stages of
grief can offer a helpful framework for understanding the wide range of feelings that may arise after
someone or something important. By learning about these experiences, many people find reassurance
that their reactions are part of a deeply human process rather than a sign that something is wrong.
The Stages of Grief Are Not a Straight Line
The well known model describing the stages of grief was first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler
Ross in 1969. The model includes five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Although these stages are widely discussed, it is important to understand that they were never meant to
describe a strict order that everyone must follow.
In reality, people may move between stages, revisit certain emotions, or experience several of them at
the same time. Some individuals may not experience all of the stages at all. The grieving process is
influenced by an abundance of factors, such as personal history, cultural beliefs, the nature of the loss,
and the support systems available (Benkel et al., 2024). Rather than being a checklist to complete, the
stages of grief are better understood as emotional responses that may appear throughout the healing
process.
Denial: When the Mind Needs Time to Process
Denial is often one of the earliest experiences within the stages of grief. This response does not
necessarily mean someone refuses to accept the loss. Instead, it can reflect the mind’s natural way of
protecting us from becoming overwhelmed too quickly.
During this stage, individuals may feel numb, detached, or as though the loss has not fully registered.
Daily routines may continue almost automatically while the mind slowly begins to process what has
happened. This temporary emotional distance can help people gradually absorb the reality of the loss at
a pace their mind and body can manage.
Anger: Making Sense of the Pain
Another common experience within the stages of grief is anger. This anger may be directed toward many
places. Some people feel angry at circumstances, medical systems, or situations that feel unfair. Others
may feel anger toward themselves or even toward the person who has died.
Although anger can feel uncomfortable, it often reflects the depth of the pain and the human need to
search for meaning. When loss feels sudden or unjust, anger can emerge as a way of expressing the
emotional impact of what has happened.
Bargaining: The “What If” Thoughts
Bargaining is often characterized by the mind revisiting events and imagining different outcomes. During
this stage of the grieving process, people may feel themselves thinking things like “if only I had called
sooner” or “What if we had tried something different?”
These thoughts are a natural attempt to regain a sense of control in a situation that feels uncontrollable.
Although these reflections can be painful, they often represent the mind’s efforts to make sense of the
loss and understand what happened.
Depression: Feeling the Weight of Loss
Within the stages of grief, many people eventually encounter a period of deep sadness. This stage may
include feelings of loneliness, fatigue, tearfulness, or withdrawal from daily activities.
It is important to understand that this stage does not necessarily mean someone is experiencing clinical
depression. Instead, it often reflects the natural sorrow that accompanies meaningful relationships and
attachments. Grief reminds us how deeply we cared about the person, relationship, or experience that
has been lost.
Acceptance: Learning to Carry the Loss
Acceptance is often misunderstood within discussions about the stages of grief. At this stage, it does not
mean that the loss no longer hurts or that the person has “moved on.” Instead, it represents a gradual
shift toward learning how to live with the reality of the loss.
Over time, individuals may begin to rebuild routines, reconnect with others, and rediscover moments of
meaning in their lives. The grief may still be present, but it becomes something that exists alongside
everyday life rather than completely overwhelming it.
Gentle Ways to Support Yourself Through the Stages of Grief
Grief looks different for everyone, and there is no single right way to move through the stages of grief.
However, here are some gentle practices may help people navigate this process with greater compassion
towards ourselves.
You might consider trying some of the following:
1. Allow your emotions to exist
Grief can include sadness, anger, confusion, relief, or even moments of peace. Allowing these emotions
to arise without judging them can help create space and growth for healing.
2. Talk about the loss when you feel ready
Sharing memories or speaking about your experience with trusted people can help reduce feelings of
isolation during grief.
3. Maintain small routines
Simple daily routines such as eating regular meals, going for walks, or maintaining sleep schedules can
help bring stability during emotionally overwhelming periods.
4. Honour the relationship or experience
Many people find comfort in remembering the person or situation they lost through rituals, journaling, or
meaningful activities.
5. Seek support when you need it
Grief can feel incredibly heavy at times. Speaking with a trained counsellor can provide a supportive
space to process these emotions.
These practices are not about rushing the grieving process. Instead, they offer small ways to care for
yourself while adjusting to the changes that loss brings.
Holding Compassion for Yourself Through Grief
It is important to remember that grief does not look the same for everyone. Some people experience
intense waves of emotion, while others may feel numb, distracted, or focused on daily responsibilities.
One person may want to talk openly about their loss, while another may prefer quiet reflection. Cultural
background, personal history, relationships, and the nature of the loss can all shape how grief is
experienced and expressed. Because of this, comparing your grief to someone else’s can often create
unnecessary pressure or self-judgement.
Approaching your experience with patience and self-compassion is an important part of your healing
jounery. Grief is not something to rush or complete in a specific way. Allowing yourself space to feel,
reflect, and move at your own pace can help support a more gentle and sustainable process of adapting
to loss.
Moving Forward While Carrying Grief
The stages of grief can help us understand some of the emotions that arise after a loss, including denial,
anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. While these stages provide a helpful framework, grief rarely
unfolds in a predictable order. Each person’s experience is shaped by their relationships, their history,
and the meaning they attach to what has been lost.
If you are navigating grief and finding it difficult to carry alone, speaking with a counsellor can provide
support and understanding during this process. At Help Clinic Canada, trained clinicians are available to
help individuals explore their grief, process difficult emotions, and find ways to move forward while still
honouring what has been lost.
References
Crosby, J. (2024, November 13). Grief, lost emotions, and feeling numb after a death: Why can’t I feel anything?Thriveworks. https://thriveworks.com/help-with/grief-loss/grief-experiencing-flood-emotions-become-numb/
Dewitt, H. (2022, May 24). The anger stage of grief: Characteristics and coping. Verywell Mind.https://www.verywellmind.com/the-anger-stage-of-grief-characteristics-and-coping-5295703
Dewitt, H. (2021, March 30). Denial as a defense mechanism. Verywell Mind.https://www.verywellmind.com/denial-as-a-defense-mechanism-5114461
Feldman, D. B. (2017, July 7). Why the five stages of grief are wrong. Psychology Today.https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/supersurvivors/201707/why-the-five-stages-grief-are-wrong
Hope & Grief. (n.d.). The laziness of grief.https://www.hopeandgrief.com/post/the-laziness-of-grief
Thriveworks. (2022). Grief: Experiencing a flood of emotions or becoming numb.https://www.doi.org
National Library of Medicine. (2021). Prolonged grief disorder and diagnostic considerations. PubMed.https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34925174/